Hei Whakahoki, kaua ranei e Tuku?

Ko te whakaatu i a koe ano mo te whara o te wahine ko te paatai ​​e whakaarohia ana e nga morehu. "E whakaatu ana au kaore ranei, mena ka peera, ki a wai, i roto i ngahea ahuatanga, ana me pehea te pai ki te mahi?" Ko etahi e hiahia ana ki te whanui whanui (hei tauira, te tuku korero paapaho ki nga hoa me te whanau) ko etahi ka kowhiri kia kaua e whakaatu (hei tauira, kaua e korero ki tetahi wairua, kaua rawa atu ki tana hoa rangatira).

Ko te rangahau a Gundersen me Zaleski (2020) i kitea tata nei ko te hihiri o te hunga i whakairi i o raatau korero moepuku ki runga ipurangi ka taka ki roto e wha nga kaupapa nui: "I tapaina e au he rauemi ki ahau"; "Ka tiimata te taiapa ki te poka ki roto ka whakaatu ana koe (he kupu whakarite mo te aukati me etahi atu)"; me "Ko te whakaatu i ahau ake he momo whakahoutanga." Ko te hunga i uru mai i hihiko ki te whakaputa korero mo te whakakaha ake i a ratau me te whakauru ki te korero aipurangi mo te hunga morehu.

Heoi, ko te kowhiringa ki te whakaatu he taupatupatu me nga awangawanga o te whakahoki, pa ki nga hononga, ki te awangawanga ranei / whakaraerae. Akene he morearea pea ki te whakaputa, kaore noa mo te mataku kei whiwhi urupare kino engari ano hoki mo te tino awangawanga ki te utu me te tupapaku ranei. Ko te urupare kino a etahi atu ka aukati i nga korero o muri ake nei. E ai ki te rangahau a Ahrens (2006), ka pa ana nga tangata ki nga urupare kino i muri mai o te whakaaturanga, kaore pea e kii mai ano, ka raru pea ki te rongoa me te whakaora. Heoi, tera pea he pehanga ki te whakaatu ki nga kaimahi hauora, ki nga mema o te whanau, ki to whanaungatanga piri ranei.

Me kii koe kua kowhiria koe ki te whakaatu, na te mea he painga tona. Hei tauira, ma te kore korero-kore e ahei te tiaki i a koe ki te whakatau whakawa, ki nga korero whakapae, ki te whakapae, ki te whakamahi i nga korero hei patu ki a koe, ki te whakapoke ranei i to hononga. Ahakoa ko te kore korero-kore ka taea te whakatau i etahi take e pa ana ki te noho muna, tera pea ka hua ake etahi atu take penei i te whakaaro he aukati aronganui kei waenga i a koe me etahi atu. Mena kua whiriwhiria e koe kia kaua e whāki, ka whakaaro pea koe he waahanga pono tetahi o a koe ka huna i tetahi mea nui o to koiora. Ko te kore korero-kore he tikanga kaore he tautoko mo te mea i tupu. Ka aha koe mena ka whakaawe koe, ka raru ranei koe, kaore etahi e mohio, kaore hoki e taea te awhina i a koe. Ano hoki, ki te mawehe atu koe i etahi atu, ka pohehe pea raatau ki te whakaaro he aha a raatau mahi he, he aha ai kaore koe e pai ki a raatau.

I te taha taha, ka kowhiria e etahi ki te whanui ki etahi atu, akene ka whakawhirinaki ki etahi hoa tata, ki tetahi kaitohutohu, ki to hoa whaiipo ranei. He maha pea nga painga ki te whanui penei i te awhina i a koe ano me etahi atu kia mohio he aha te mea i tupu, te whakapai ake i te whanaungatanga, te whakawhirinaki, me te hononga ki etahi atu, me te tuku kaupapa ki a koe ki te whakawhitiwhiti korero mo nga rautaki aro atu, me te pono ake me te pono, me te whakawatea i a koe mai i te kawe. he taumahatanga nui o mua. Ae, he raru pea ka pa mai ki te whakaaturanga. Ko etahi kaore pea i te mohio, kaore ranei i te whakautu ma te tautoko.

No reira ano, ka ara ake te patai, ki te whakaputa mai, ki te kore ranei e whakaatu? Ko koe te rangatira o to korero me te mea pai me nga mea kei roto i a koe e whakaatu ana ana ko wai hoki taau. Akene he rereke nga whakaaro i te wa e whakaaro ana koe ki te whakaputa i runga i a wai (hei tauira, kaimahi hauora, mema o te whanau, hoa mahi, hoa tata, hoa marena, hononga hou ranei), te horopaki o te hononga, me taau e tumanako ana ka tutuki na te whakaaturanga. (He nui ake nga take e pa ana ki nga hononga taatai ​​ka whakatutukihia i tetahi atu pou.)

Mena ka whakatauhia e koe ki te whakaatu i konei etahi whakaaro iti nei:

1. Whakaarohia te kounga o te whanaungatanga. I mua i to kowhiri ki te whakaatu, he pai ki te arotake i te kounga o to whanaungatanga. Nahea tenei tangata i whiwhi ai i ana korero ake i mua? I tautoko ratou? Kua tohaina ano hoki e te kaiwhiwhi etahi mea muna ki a koe? Ko tenei whakawhitiwhitinga ka hanga i te turanga o te whakawhirinaki ki te hononga.
2. Whakaarohia te waa o to hea. Ko te mea pai, he ngawari ta korua, he arotahi, kaore e akiakina mo te wa.Ko te tohatoha i a koe e matakitaki ana i te kiriata, i nga hakinakina, i te waea waea ranei kaore e pai ki te hiahia koe kia aro mai tetahi. Ehara hoki i te mea pai ki te tohatoha i muri tonu o te whakaipoipo, i te hararei, i te waa motuhake ranei a tetahi (ra whanau, marena, ra valentine, me etahi atu).
3. Whakaarohia te nui o te tohatoha. Na te mea i pai taau ki te tuku ki tetahi kia mohio he aha te mea i tupu, ehara tenei i te tikanga me mohio ratou ki nga korero katoa. Kaore koe e hiahiatia ki te tohatoha atu i taau e hiahia ana. Mena ka kitea e koe he tohatoha-nui, ana kei te patai mai te kaiwhiwhi i nga paatai ​​kaore koe e hiahia ki te whakautu, kati me mutu. Hikina. Mau ki te whenua. I etahi wa ka paatai ​​nga taangata na te mea kaore ratou e mohio me pehea te whakautu. Ka taea e koe te whakawhiti korero kaore koe e hiahia ki te korero mo taua mea. Na, whakahou ano ki nga mea e hiahia ana koe ki te korero.
4. Kei te hiahia koe ki te whai urupare. Kia maarama ki o tumanakohanga mo te take e hiahia ana koe ki te whakaatu. Ahakoa e tumanako ana koe ki te manaaki, manaaki, ngawari, me te whakautu tautoko, tera pea, kua kaha ke te urupare a te tangata. I a koe e korero ana mo tenei take mo etahi wa, he korero hou kaore ano hoki tenei mo te kaiwhiwhi. Ki ta te kaiwhiwhi tirohanga, he miharo pea tenei, whakamataku, me te uaua ki te maarama. Ka riri pea ratou, korekore, ka he. Akene he kore noa atu ko te kaiwhiwhi o to korero ka taea te whakautu pai ki a koe, i te mea e raru ana o raatau ano me o raatau whakautu. He mea pai ki te mohio kei te whakaaro nui pea raatau ki a koe me te awangawanga i a ratau e hii ana kia mohio he aha te mea i tupu.
5. Kaore i te maarama ki nga wheako o te kaiwhiwhi. Akene he tika kia tukua ki tenei tangata etahi waahi ki te whakahaere i enei korero (i nga ngau e mimiti ana). Akene ko te urupare tuatahi ko te ahua o te aukati ("Kaore! Kaore tenei e taea") ana ki te kii i tetahi mea e kore e tika, e whakapae ranei. Ano hoki, hau me te whakawhaiti i tenei tangata kia iti nei te wa me te waa ki te urupare. Na hoki mai ka patai mena kei te hiahia ratau ki te korero ano. Akene ka taea e koe te whakahaere i o raatau urupare, i to urupare ranei ki a raatau urupare.

Mena ka kite koe i te whakaaturanga hei whakamatautau i te aroha o tetahi ki a koe, ka waiho hei whakariterite mo te aitua kino. Engari, me aata arahi pea te kaiwhiwhi mo te whakautu. Ka hoatu ki a ratou he kupu whakataki poto, aroha mai mo te ahua mo ratou, hoatu he wa ki a ratou ki te whakahaere, me karo wawe rawa nga korero. Awhinahia ratou ki te awhina i a koe.

Ko tetahi whakaaro ko te tiimata me nga korero whanui, penei, "I hiahia au kia mohio koe i pa he mate kino ki ahau i te wa e mahi ana ahau i nga hoia (i te wa o te tamarikitanga, me etahi atu). Kaore au i te hiahia ki te korero taipitopito, engari kei te hiahia au ki to tautoko i a au e mahi ana mo taku whakaora. ” Ahakoa he rereke te whakaaro-kore, i muri i enei, ko koe te mea i pangia e te wharanga, ko te korero ko te tohatoha me te whakarei i te hononga ki a koe e whakaputa ana i a koe. Mena he pai ki a koe, ka taea e koe te mihi, whakawhirinaki, me te tautoko i te kaiwhiwhi. Hei tauira, "Kei te mohio ahau he uaua tenei ki te whakarongo. Mauruuru koe no te mea he tino hoa koe, tino maioha ki a koe. ” Akene he pai ke ki te whakamohio atu ki te tangata he aha taau e hiahia ana mai i a raatau. "Ko taku hiahia kia rongo koe." Ranei, "I hiahia au kia mohio koe he aha au e manukanuka ai." Ranei, "Ko te mea ka tino awhina ki ahau mena ka taea e koe tenei ina mahi au / ki te korero tenei__."

Ma te whakawhirinaki atu ki te whanaungatanga, tera pea kaore pea he korerorero whai muri. He mana to ki te whakahaere i tetahi korerorero, ki te tohatoha kaore ranei ki te tohatoha, ki te okioki, me / ki te whakaputa ranei i o whakaaro me taau e hiahia ana. Ahakoa he uaua ki te whakatere te whakaaturanga, kia maumahara kaore koe i te mokemoke, kei reira hoki te tautoko.

Whakaaroaro:

Mena ka kite koe i tetahi ngahere rakau, te ahua nei he motuhake, he momotu hoki. Engari ko te tikanga, kua honoa o ratau pakiaka ka taea e ratau te korero ki a ratau ano. Waihoki, he rereke pea taatau, engari ko te mea ke, kua honoa katoa tatou. Ana e panui ana koe i tenei tuhinga inaianei, kei te korero maatau.